Mahirap Umibig sa Isang Panget

Minsan, sa ating buhay, dadating ang panahon kung kailan mag-iiba ang ihip ng hangin. Parang mayroong masamang umaalingasaw na sasabay sa hangin at guguluhin ang pag-iisip mo. Iibig ka sa isang pangit. Tanggapin mo na lang.

Noon, malakas ang paniniwala kong lolokohin ka lang ng gwapo. Humanap ka daw ng pangit at ibigin mong tunay. Lumipas ang ilang taon sa aking buhay at naloko ako ng gwapo. Sinubukan kong umahon at sinabi sa sariling sa kapangitan nakikita ang magandang kalooban. Dumating ang panahon st nahulog din ang loob ko sa isang pangit.

Akala ko ay siya na ang pinakahihintay ko. Yun pala ay pinaghintay niya lang ako. Nagmuka akong tanga't umasa ako hanggang nalaman ko na lang ay may iniibig na siyang iba.

Hindi ko sinisising hindi mahulog hulog ang loob niya sa akin. Hindi ko rin siya masising di siya masilaw sa aking kagandahan o busilak na kalooban man lang. Nababanas lang ako sa buhay sapagkat mas masakit pala ang pakiramdam ng ni-reject ka ng isang pangit.

Incredible India!

Here's the scene: Boss comes in the office, you are explaining the parallel run checklist to a colleague. Boss passes by, stops and turns at you and say, "Kristine, have you booked a flight for India yet?" The next thing I know, I was sitting on the aisle plane seat on my way to Bangalore. I was trying to condition myself on what to expect there, hearing from the stories my colleagues (who were waiting for me) were telling me. I admit, despite the unimagineable stories and precautions I've heard, there was still excitement felt on my part. Eversince highschool, I have been fascinated with the culture. India has contributed to my research paper, my outlook in life, my fashion sense and food taste eversince high school. And if I only had a chance to spend a budget one one vacation trip, I don't think India would be on on top of my list. So I considered this business trip as an opportunity of a lifetime. And one reason to find my "cosmic purpose" on earth. Yes, somehow it made me believe that there is some cosmic purpose behind this for its inevitable pursuance that I had to be there.

The funny thing is, I expected something worse than what I saw. I was fascinated. It was an interesting place to go to. I loved the place. The sights were awesome, the palaces were breathtaking. The palaces, I just couldn't describe it. You just have to see it yourself (cameras not allowed inside). For a moment, I was just staring at the ceiling of stained glass windows. I was getting the feel of the touch of the intricate walls that made the whole sanctuary. The people were so nice. The culture--it's so rich that I envy them. It makes me feel sorry that I couldn't share my Filipino culture to them because my being showed a little trace of it. The cheap elephant ride made me not miss my Pido. The fabrics...ahhhhh...at all costs I am willing to spend. Only too late to find out that I need not to spend too much to own a dozen! Waaahh!!!

If I have a chance, I'd go back. I'd take people with me. There's so much to explore. It's incredible! I love India! Incredible India! Not everyone would probably appreciate it. It's probably because I was in India during my pastlife.

On Happiness

At least once in our lives, time will come when we are pushed to think that we are in a state of happiness where in fact we are not. We come up with a whole line up of pathetic reasons just to convince ourselves that we are. And that feeling of happiness, though extremely fake, feels so irritatingly good that you would never trade for any moment in the world. This leads us to believe that it is true happiness. The feeling of untrue happiness is not even an inch different form the feeling of what is real. The difference lies only in one question: Will it last?

And you cannot help the feeling of happiness. While you are in that moment, you can never tell if it is fake or not. And to see others in that way, is a totally different thing. You can never wish for the happiness to fade away, for that will be inhuman. You can never tell it to stop, just because you are not. You can never fight for it, because you know you'll end up battling with yourself alone. All you can ever do is to wish for it to last.